Normally, I don’t comment on pirates and piracy. Yeah, it’s wrong. Yeah, it’s a royal pain in the ass. Yeah, it’s probably siphoning off some of my royalties. On the other hand, people who regularly download books from piracy sites probably aren’t going to be buying my books anyway since they don’t pay for books in general.

However, a recent discussion of piracy on Reddit.com got my attention (via Twitter) and finally prodded my out of my reluctance to get involved in this discussion. Several of the commenters on the site had what they considered a righteous reason for pirating ebooks. Publishers, they argued, were pricing their ebooks at the same level they priced their print books. That wasn’t fair, since ebooks didn’t come with the same benefits that print books did (e.g., no way to share, no way to sell used copies, requires expensive ebook reader, etc.). Therefore, those who pirated books were striking a blow for intellectual freedom. Down with corporate publishers and their cluelessness regarding ebooks!

Now let me say right here that I think some publishers are dumb about their ebook pricing. There’s no excuse for pricing an ebook at the same level as a hardback given that ebook production costs are so much lower. Having said that, however, I find this particular argument to be horsecrap.

It might work if the only books being pirated were by Steig Larsson and Stephen King, but we all know that isn’t so. In digital form, my books sell for somewhere between $4.50 and $5.50, depending on where you buy them. In other words, my books sell for about as much as a Vente Starbucks Frappacino. And when somebody pirates my books, they aren’t striking a blow against corporate publishing, they’re striking a blow against a relatively small, independent publisher (owned and largely operated by women, by the way).

But the thing is, I don’t think the average pirate really believes she’s doing anything like undermining the publishing industry. She’s getting something for free that she’d otherwise have to pay for. That’s basically all this is about—getting something free. In doing so, she’s refusing to pay me for my work and she’s refusing to pay Samhain for their work, but my guess is that’s not a big concern for her. The people who download dozens—even hundreds—of books are mainly chortling at having avoided paying anybody for anything.

Okay, so now, the rest of this post is addressed to the pirates; everybody else can take five because I’m honestly not talking to you (not you good, book-buying souls. Honest—please don’t think I’m talking to you). You’re stealing, bubbeleh. Yes, you are. And this isn’t Robin Hood we’re talking about—believe me, stealing my book is definitely not taking from the rich. And it ain’t giving to the poor either, unless you’re referring to poor little you. So don’t pretend that you’re making some kind of political statement. You aren’t. You’re just stealing. You think books are too expensive? Fine. Search out your local library; they’d probably be glad of your patronage. You want to read ebooks? Fine. Some libraries have them available, but even if yours doesn’t, you can confine yourself to Amazon freebies or low-cost publications.

But if you go on stealing, don’t pretend you’re doing something else. If you can’t be honest about buying somebody else’s work, at least be honest about what you’re doing here. You’re a thief, toots. And that’s all there is to it.