In a recent film review, one critic pointed out that a particular movie had all the standard rom com elements, including the fact that the hero and heroine spent the first third of the movie bickering. That sort of startled me, because it’s absolutely true. Think about it—just about every romantic comedy of the last couple of years begins with instant dislike. The heroine thinks the hero’s a clod. The hero thinks the heroine’s a snotty bitch. They trade wisecracks and dirty looks until some outside force throws them together and forces them to re-evaluate each other. This, in turn, made me stop and think—why is this true? Why must rom coms all begin with the couple disliking each other?

I suppose on the one hand we could blame When Harry Met Sally, which is sort of the standard for the contemporary rom com. Harry and Sally are famously antagonistic at first, but what makes them come around isn’t any outside force, it’s maturity: they both grow out of their earlier prickliness. And when they start fighting again, it’s over something serious—the fact that their friendship has moved into love and they’re both freaked out about it. Most current rom coms feature bickering for no particular reason. And in many cases both hero and heroine are absolutely right: he is a clod and she is a snotty bitch, neither of whom you feel like spending a lot of time around.

So why can’t we have a hero and heroine who are instantly attracted rather than annoyed? Well, one might argue, you need some kind of conflict and being attracted to each other doesn’t allow for that. But the external force that acts to keep the lovers apart could be the source of that conflict rather than antagonism. In Four Weddings and a Funeral, hero and heroine are immediately smitten, but her commitment to another man keeps them apart. In The American President, it’s his job (i.e., being POTUS) that makes their romance unworkable. In Victor/Victoria, it’s her job (i.e., being, well, Victor/Victoria). In Bull Durham, it’s her neurosis (sorry, but she’s a nutcase) and the fact that, once committed to Nuke, she’s sort of stuck. In The Holiday, both heroines are only in place for a short time and feel they can’t really commit themselves because of that. In the Colin Firth story-line of Love, Actually it’s the fact that he doesn’t speak Portuguese.

My point is that hero and heroine don’t have to be obnoxious jerks to have a rom com with bite. It’s possible to have obstacles even if hero and heroine are both likeable and attracted to one another. Unfortunately, those obstacles can also be insurmountable (see 500 Days of Summer and Annie Hall). The problem, as I see it, comes down to laziness. It’s so much easier to begin with heroes and heroines who snipe at each other since that’s the kind of groove rom coms have fallen into.

On the other hand, how many of these formulaic rom coms have been successful lately? Wouldn’t it be easier if just once Kate Hudson or Jennifer Anniston could fall for the guy right out of the starting gate instead of spending thirty minutes being snippy? If they did, maybe we’d all be more willing to go see these movies than we are at the moment. I know I would!