Okay, every other author has now blogged about the 2011 Romantic Times Booklovers Convention except me. This isn’t because I have nothing to say about RT, it’s because I needed time to sort out all the things I wanted to say. Some of them are totally irrelevant (e.g., I completely hated the glass elevators at the Bonaventure), but some of them are more significant. Herewith, a selection of things I learned at RT:

1. The Nine Naughty Novelists (or at least the seven who attended RT) are the coolest women in the universe! You always worry that people you only know on line will turn out to be less nice in person. That so did not happen. And Skylar Kade became our go-to person for any and all organizing concerns.

2. For a midday book signing, be sure to have a Clif Bar in your purse. The mammoth event (over 300 authors) lasted from 10:45 until 2:00. By the time we emerged, I was ready to eat anything that wasn’t moving!

3. If you win an award, you’ll be expected to say something. I don’t know why I didn’t realize this. For some reason, I pictured a big cocktail party where I’d show my badge and be given this award that was sitting on a table somewhere. Instead, along with all the other award winners who attended the convention, I was seated in a reserved section and brought up on stage to say a few words. The more practiced award winners were locked and loaded. The rest of us stammered through something we could barely remember afterward (although Lindsey Faber, my redoubtable Samhain editor, assured me it was okay).

4. Boas, while fine in theory, have certain problems in reality. Ours left little trails of pin feathers whenever we wore them. After Kinsey Holley sat on my bed with her block boa, it looked like a large blackbird had molted on my pillow. And to add insult to injury, Kinsey herself sat on sombody’s purple boa that stained her white pants.

5. Five days of heavy earrings are about three days longer than my ears can stand. My earlobes are still aching.

6. Never discount the importance of comfortable shoes. I desperately love my Jambus (thanks REI), and I’m still stunned by Kelly Jamieson’s ability to wear stilettos at all times with ease and grace.

7. If you become Big Time, you can afford to be a mensch. I sat next to no less than Catherine Coulter at the awards ceremony, and she couldn’t have been nicer. On the other hand, some authors who weren’t quite into the Pantheon yet tended to be a bit more snotty, particularly with lesser authors in the vicinity.

8. Desiree Holt, whom I knew when I was a member of San Antonio Romance Authors, is phenomenal. A hundred books and still going strong (and still giving advice to all aspiring authors who ask). I do want to be Desiree when I finally grow up.

9. If someone offers you something to eat, for heaven’s sake take it! Between cocktail parties, balls, costume parties, etc., etc., etc. you never know when you’ll get a chance to dine. Unless, of course, PG Forte is one of your company, in which case you can always drop by her room for a nosh.

10. At book signings, you’re usually placed alphabetically. This meant that this year, unfortunately, both Juniper Bell and I got placed next to one author’s eleven-year-old son who was selling his self-published children’s books. This is a truly lousy idea, no matter how sophisticated you think your kid is, and it’s very tough on the authors who have to try to decide how to arrange their books and promo so that they don’t seem to be contributing to the delinquency of a minor. So the take-away from this is leave your kids at home, or at the very least, do not set your kids up with a stall at an adult book signing.

11. RT will help you get over your hang-ups about male sex objects. Sort of. All these cover models are wandering around competing for Mr. Romance. After a while I was able to ignore my impulse to ask what they really did for a living (I think it was Erin Nicholas who pointed out that guys never ask the female models at auto shows about this).

12. Impromptu parties in publishers’ suites sound like a good idea, but they don’t always work out, particularly when the neighbors call security because of the noise (but it was only nine o’clock or so).

13. Costumes require a great deal of panache, more than I have anyway. Next year I think I’ll stick to large earrings and black pantsuits. Hey, it works for Nora Roberts!